People Magazine: 05/24/10
A couple of weeks ago my son found the People Magazine cover story about the death of Yeardley Love on the hall table. He read the article about her murder and he had lots of questions. I explained the tragedy in the most developmentally appropriate terms I could muster.
He nodded along with my explanation, asked a few questions, and then was quiet for a moment. Finally, what I thought was a look of understanding came over his face and he said solemnly “Wow, he must have really loved her a lot”.
I was dumbstruck that my sweet child would somehow associate love with an act of such brutality. I’ve talked to him about drugs, peer pressure, strangers and more, but I never really thought I’d need to have such a frank discussion with him about this issue. I guess I believed that because he is being raised in a loving, non-violent family, somehow he would just “know”. We went on to have a long conversation about why love and violence have nothing to do with one another.
My 11 year old son and his friends are on the cusp of adolescence. They are just beginning to explore who they are in the context of “romantic” relationships. They ask each other “Who do you like?” or “Who is your girlfriend?” They tease each other, gently still, with “Oh! You have a crush on her” and “I think she likes you”.
They don’t go on dates yet. In their world, a girlfriend is just a girl you hang out with at recess sometimes. Why would I talk to him about dating now?
Take it from me. Do NOT to assume that your child is too young – or doesn’t need- to talk about healthy relationships and teen dating violence.
~Alison Senold, Doorways Volunteer
Tags: Dating Violence, Education, Prevention, Volunteers
Caroline Jones
Whenever I read or hear about a woman, man or child affected by domestic violence, I always ask myself what I could do to help someone in need. It’s extremely hard to believe that many individuals are subjected to domestic violence resulting at times in death to the victim. I believe that it’s never to early to teach children what is and what is not acceptable in a relationship. I know that I have given my children the necessary tools in order to live their life without fear & recognize the signs of abusive behavior.
I think it is extremely important to educate your children about recognizing the signs of an unhealthy relationship. Although many associate dating/domestic violence only with physical abuse, I believe emotional abuse can be just as damaging to the victim. If children were educated to recognize unhealthy relationships, perhaps they could leave the situation before it has deadly results, such as in this story. Beyond receiving education from their parents, I think it is important that schools address the issue of dating violence, such as through the Red Flag Campaign with Doorways. I hope that campaigns such as the Red Flag campaign can continue to spread through other regions to teach children and young adults the importance of maintaining healthy relationships.
Corinne~ Thank you for your response and we absolutely agree! We need dedicated education to teach young people about how to start and maintain healthy relationships. Do you have any ideas on how we can address this with Arlington County Public Schools? Unfortunately the Red Flag Campaign is only on local college campuses right now. But that doesn’t mean we don’t have great outreach materials for teens!
~Doorways