Posts Tagged ‘Dating Violence’

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Around the Nation are Dating Partners Protected?

Wednesday, July 13th, 2011

Though Virginia may be making great strides against dating abuse, laws in each state differ on helping those suffering from dating abuse nationwide.

Break The Cycle, the nation’s leading dating abuse prevention foundation, has published report cards representing how helpful each state is in assisting those suffering from dating abuse and how far each still needs to go. In 2010 (the most recent report), only six states – CA, IL, NH, OK, RI, and WA – and the District of Columbia received A’s indicating that they have taken leaps and bounds to ease the legal process for dating abuse victims. New Hampshire scored particularly high on its report card because it is the only state that allows minors of all ages to file for protective orders without parental participation.

Many state laws have changed since the last report, but some states are still struggling to provide legal protection to dating partners. Kentucky and Utah are among five states that still do not allow victims of dating abuse to file for protective orders at all.  Just as Virginia did, we encourage those states to offer legal protection to those experiencing dating abuse.

State by state we are expanding our abuse laws to be representative of spousal and dating partners. There are now 45 states and the District of Columbia that allow dating abuse victims to receive legal protection; Virginia being the newest addition. There are however some states that are in the process of enacting legislation that will allow their unheard voices the chance to be protected.

Another positive change that many states are making is to start ensuring that there is dating abuse education in their school systems to help prevent violence. They want to teach students to understand what dating abuse looks like and encourage them to stop it from happening to their peers as well as prevent it from happening to themselves.

As we move closer and closer to creating more options for those in abusive relationships, we look forward to a day when all states offer legal protection to dating partners.

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Posted in Education and Advocacy | 2 Comments »

New Law Expands Access to Protection and Condemns Abuse

Friday, July 1st, 2011

by Jamie Friedman, Court Advocacy Program Coordinator and Corinne Stuart, Court Advocacy Program Intern

After being attacked and beaten by her ex-boyfriend the night prior, Tina decided to seek legal protection from her ex-boyfriend to prevent him from hurting her again in the future. Sadly, Tina’s only remedy and legal recourse would be to call the police and have her partner arrested. But as we can all imagine, this is not always an ideal option. Under Virginia law, prior to July 1, 2011 Tina would not qualify to file for a Protective Order because her relationship did not meet Virginia’s definition of a “family or household member.”  Like many other survivors of dating violence, Tina would be turned away from the court system, still fearful as a result of her inability to access civil protection under the law.

Thankfully, as of July 1, 2011, recent legislation allows dating violence survivors, like Tina, to file for Protective Orders in General District Court.  Legislation has now changed to allow any person experiencing unwanted physical contact, including pushing, hitting, kicking or strangling, among other acts of violence, to file for civil protection in the General District Court, regardless of their relationship.  Additionally, any person receiving threats of unwanted physical contact will also be eligible to file in General District Court for a Protective Order.  This legislation is a much needed addition to the Civil Judicial System, particularly with the recent tragedy of Yeardley Love, a victim of dating violence, who was murdered in Charlottesville, Virginia by her boyfriend.

Not only does this new legislation expand access to civil protection for those in abusive dating relationships, but it also officially condemns abuse, in all situations, regardless of the relationship between the parties.  This is a large step in the right direction to ending all acts of violence and abuse in Virginia and on a national scale as well.

Doorways for Women and Families continues to serve all survivors of Intimate Partner Violence, offering resources to help survivors leave abusive partners and choose healthy relationships in moving forward. The Court Advocacy Program comprises one component of the support structure that Doorways provides for survivors of Intimate Partner Violence.  Court Advocates are available in the Arlington Courthouse to discuss eligibility for Protective Orders, complete Protective Order paperwork, provide court accompaniment, and offer safety planning and referrals to further community services.

Court Advocacy services are available by calling (703) 244-5165 or (571) 289-2439, or by walking in and speaking with a Court Advocate in the Juvenile and Domestic Relations Intake Office located on the fourth floor in the Arlington Courthouse.

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Posted in Education and Advocacy, The Doorways Way | No Comments »

After Two Murders, We Can Save Thousands

Wednesday, June 29th, 2011

In recent years, dating abuse has been in the spotlight more and more, particularly in Virginia. Now that legislators are taking action, let’s take a look back to see what got us to this point.

Something to understand right off the bat is that domestic violence does not discriminate. Regardless of age, race, sex, or marital status, many were experiencing abuse and couldn’t rely on the legal system to find an escape. Especially vulnerable were those in a dating relationship.

The rates of dating abuse among youths are particularly high. According to the Teen Dating Violence Fact Sheet for Virginia in 2009, about one in four teens reports verbal, physical, emotional, or sexual abuse each year.

Dating abuse has always been present in society, but has been making headlines over the past few years. In 2007, Collinsville woman, Linda Bostwick, was shot and killed by her estranged husband in the middle of the day at her workplace. Bostwick was able to receive a protective order against her husband several months before her death, yet she never truly felt safe.

Even more recently, in May of 2010, Yeardley Love, was brutally killed by ex-boyfriend, George Huguely. The couple had public run-ins before, yet no one connected the pieces until it was too late for Love. She was only twenty-two when she was killed.

With these two highly publicized deaths in Virginia, legislators had to give their protective order laws another look.

The new bill began its process in early 2010 – before Love’s murder. After news of her death spread, the bill was given much more urgency and Governor Bob McDonnell was able to sign the new bill into law in April 2011.

As it takes effect on July 1st, here are some things to remember: If you or a loved one is suffering from dating abuse, you now have a voice. Please contact our Court Advocate (703-244-5165) if you want to talk through your legal options. Always know that there is help through Doorways and we are always available and able to answer any questions you may have. Please, call our 24-hour hotline if you know someone who might need help planning their way to safety (703-237-0881).

In our future posts we will discuss our perspective of the new law as well as the national scope of it. Stay tuned.

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Posted in Community Spotlight, Education and Advocacy | No Comments »

Finally! Protection for the Previously Unprotected

Wednesday, June 22nd, 2011

Law to allow increase eligibility for dating partners to get protective orders to go into effect July 1st!

Finally, on July 1st, after too long a wait, survivors of dating violence will have the law on their side.  Starting Friday, July 1st, those experiencing dating abuse will be eligible for Protective Orders.

Dating violence has been a wide concern among Virginians in recent years with the publicized murders of both Linda Bostwick and Yeardly Love. The current legal system only protects select individuals from abusive partners, leaving many unprotected. In just a few days however, protection will be expanded to include those who want to file claims against boyfriends, girlfriends, neighbors, and even co-workers.

There is a lot to learn about this new change and a lot of good that can come out of it for the state of Virginia. Keep a look out for our coming posts surrounding the new legislation, how this all came about, what the national scope of it is, and how Doorways is here for support.

In the mean time, be sure to catch up on some of past comment on this law.  Read our reaction to when the law was first passed.  Also, read about the origins of this much needed law.

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Posted in Education and Advocacy | 1 Comment »

A Thin Line Between Virtual and Reality

Thursday, April 28th, 2011

With Sexual Violence Awareness Month coming to a close, we wanted to pass along a great resource for you.  Parents often struggle to connect with their kids over sexual abuse issues, because technology is playing a larger part in forwarding that abuse.  Without violating my daughters privacy, how do I control what she texts other people?  How do I make sure my son is being respectful on Facebook if he won’t ‘friend’ me?

We need to prevent sexual violence and digital abuse, but we need a credible source to help spread that message and instigate a conversation with our children.  With that in mind, MTV created A Thin Line Campaign.  There is a thin line between words and wounds; a thin line between virtual and reality.  There is a great repository of videos that target school children.  Please, check it out and help spread the message that there is an important line that we can never cross if we are to stop sexual and digital abuse.

Here is a video about Sexting in America from MTV News:

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In the News: 4/25 – 4/29

Monday, April 25th, 2011

Homelessness may not be on the decline in Arlington while it increases in the D.C. area.  A powerful story of sexual assault on college campuses reminds us to work to keep our campuses safe while Virginia gives greater protection to dating partners.  This is just some of what’s in the news . . .

Homelessness

Domestic violence

And that is just some of what’s in the news.

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Posted in In the News | 1 Comment »

Success! Virginia Orders Protection for Dating Partners

Monday, March 28th, 2011
Red Flag Poster Image

Dating partners can now seek protective orders in VA

Virginia is taking steps to protect our least protected.  A month after we pointed out that VA was a failure when it came to legal protection of dating partners, Gov. Bob McDonnell and the legislature have approved sweeping new measures.

Dating partners are eligible to receive protective orders starting July 1st. Gov. McDonnell is also putting together a panel to determine how Virginia can end violence among Virginians.  The panel will meet for the first time in a few weeks.  We are glad that the Governor recognizes that this legislation is not enough to end violence.

We at Doorways want to thank the Governor and all Virginia legislators who supported this important step forward in ending abuse in our state.  However, this is just one step forward.  We now need to give dating partners the education and resources to choose healthy relationships and the training for our legal system to protect dating partners when abuse does occur.  It will still take a community response to end abuse, but Virginia is at least taking an important step in that direction.

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He said if I loved him, I’d have sex with him

Monday, October 18th, 2010

This coercion poster in the Red Flag Campaign series has stuck with me since the first time I saw it, 3 years ago.

I skipped class that day. It was something about that poster and its message that made me realize I had some thinking to do.

Fast-forward to August 2010, in the middle of a stressful internship hunt, I found an opening at Doorways for a Red Flag Campaign intern. I jumped at the opportunity. I did not think about resume building, networking, or even money. I would have taken the internship for free! I wanted to become a part of something that helped change my life and give back to an organization that opened my eyes to see just how valuable I am.

I can only hope while I am interning that someone else gets the wakeup call I did. I think about this for every flag and poster I place this October. This internship is more than a job to me. Whether it is true or not, I feel like I am making a difference by just being involved. I do not think I could have gotten as much satisfaction from a different internship as I do this one.

I know that I am not the only woman in the world that has been in an unhealthy relationship and was blind to the fact. I know a lot of students, men and women, do not know the difference between healthy and unhealthy relationships. The Red Flag Campaign that Doorways promotes won’t make dating violence disappear tomorrow but I know it is a start and I have true faith that one day we will live in a world full of more love then violence.

~Christina Womack, Doorways Red Flag Campaign Intern

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A Time for Reflection

Tuesday, October 5th, 2010

It’s Domestic Violence Awareness Month.  Even though every day I spend emotional and mental energy considering this scourge in our society because of my role with Doorways,  I put more consideration into awareness during October as we highlight the stories  of our clients and increase our public education efforts. 

Here are just a few national noteworthy prominent stories this past year on domestic, dating and intimate partner violence:

- Mel Gibson’s emotionally abusive and physically threatening tirade towards his ex-girlfriend.

- A song by Eminem featuring Rihanna about how domestic violence impacts a couple from a personal, and controversial, perspective.

Even though as an advocate I know the CDC statistic that 1 in 4 women will experience domestic violence in their lifetime I am still often shocked by how pervasive it is in our culture.  While the instances above made the news, we know the vast majority stay behind closed doors.

Shockingly, at our modest little Safehouse where we host a 24-hour hotline for domestic violence, we received over 1,100 calls  impacting over 1,500 adults and children.  A 35% increase from the previous year.  For a community of our size, this is an astonishing number of calls and it begs the question: how can we let this happen?  

Although I’m relieved that many people, who were by and large the victim themselves, reached out for help, I am also hopefully because we received a number of calls seeking help for a friend, family member or coworker. 

I challenge us as a community to make this issue front and center. To recognize it, as the CDC does, as a “serious public health issue” and to not only talk about the issue when it makes the news.  Can you meet this challenge?

~Linda

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Success on a Sunday Morning

Tuesday, August 17th, 2010

Former Red Flag Intern Kimberly giving a presentation.

It’s 8 am and all I want to do is watch trash television.  This is what I thought as I laid in bed on a Sunday morning in May.  But I had agreed to give a presentation on healthy dating relationships to teens at a local church.  Although we have limited funding for this type of education, I have a very hard time in my role at Doorways turning any presentations down no matter how many people are going to show up or what the age group.  This information is important and my passion for delivering it immense.

But I don’t always feel its importance as I’m dragging myself out of bed and into a room of 20 middle school students and 5 adult youth leaders who would rather be watching trash TV too.  I gave the usual opening at the beginning of the presentation, “Hi, I’m Candice and I am the Education and Outreach Director at Doorways for Women and Families. Has anyone heard of Doorways?” No response.  “We are going to talk about dating violence and healthy relationships today. I know you had a speaker last week talk about her experience as a survivor of violence.  What did you all think of her presentation?” Again, no response.  Last ditch effort to create a dialogue, “Okay this presentation is only as good as YOU all help me make it.”  I say with a laugh and cheesy grin. 

This is how the 45 minute presentation goes.  I try some engaging activities that encourage the kids get up, walk around, and share their thoughts with me.  Only a handful of teens talk through the whole presentation.  After 45 minutes I feel like I did at 8am. You have to only hope it’s making a difference. 

As I was packing up, and feeling a bit defeated in my attempt to make a difference, one of the adult male youth leaders came up to me and asked to talk.  He confided in me that his son’s girlfriend had recently broken up with his son stating that she felt they had an un-healthy relationship.  His son was devastated and didn’t understand what she was talking about. But the dad did.  The dad understood and wanted to help his son.  “What can I do help him?”  We talked for about fifteen minutes about resources, options, and possible scenarios his son may go through or even un-healthy tactics to win her back. 

Those fifteen minutes turned my outlook around and made the morning a win for me.  This is what we do at Doorways. We help families with a variety of issues pre, post and during crisis.  Everyone can benefit from our work.  And I still get up on Sunday mornings for presentations.

~Candice Lopez, Education and Outreach Director

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